


Closure

by sira89



Series: Interlude [4]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 12:44:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9235742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sira89/pseuds/sira89
Summary: Even has a new girlfriend. Isak isn't bitter. Or, he is trying not be be. (In fact, he is very bitter.)





	1. Chapter 1

Magnus is side-eyeing him for the 7th time as they walk to Eva’s. Which is pretty fucking funny because Magnus is not one for subtlety. He’s usually the one with his head up in the clouds when it comes to a person’s unstated feelings. Tonight he is more on edge that Isak is.

“You sure you’re good with this, man? Because I think it’d be cool to shotgun some beers and just play video games…” He is still trying to be casual though, and this makes Isak laugh. “I’m sure, Magnus. I’ll have to see it sometime.” And he isn’t lying. He and Even are kinda-sorta-friends now. Not the kind that hang out often or text every day, but every once in awhile they grab a coffee and catch up. And in an emergency, Isak knows he could call Even. They’ll always care about each other like that.

Eva had invited the boys to a party at her place, said it wouldn’t be too wild. A small party. A couple days later Sana had casually brought up that she’d asked Even to come. She’d held his eyes a second too long, and that was how he’d known something was up. He’d let the feeling go though, until yesterday. Yesterday, when they all got up from lunch, Magnus nervously asked for Isak to wait around for a sec. Jonas and Mahdi had walked on, but Isak sat when he saw Magnus hadn’t gotten up.

“Even has a girlfriend.” He’d said in a rush, and a little higher pitched than normal. Like he was expecting Isak to throw a fit or get teary-eyed. “Bound to happen sometime, Magnus.” And that was that.

 _Even has a girlfriend_. It wasn’t like Isak expected Even to let him know, meet up with him just to say “By the way, I have a girlfriend.” That would be weird. It would also be an awkward text, you know? Like, “Did you watch the game last Saturday? Gf and I caught it at the bar, numbed the pain a bit.”

Except that, Even hadn’t mentioned anybody he was hanging out with. Anybody he liked. And they had only stopped doing what they were _doing_ less than two months ago. In fact, Even seemed quite content carrying on with it. It had been Isak, pushed up against the wall, breathlessly saying, “Even, Even, _stop_. We can’t keep doing this. I can’t be friends with you like this.” Even had pulled back with flushed cheeks and flushed lips and just stared at him for a minute. Isak had been on the verge of changing his mind when Even accepted his decision, and turned away. They hadn’t touched each other since.

It had been hard at first. They had met to get coffee a couple weeks later and while Even was ordering, he kind of leaned in to Isak. Like he used to before they had first kissed. Leaned in close enough to make Isak’s face heat, but not close enough that they were touching. Isak could have brushed up against him and pretended it was an accident; he’d thought about it. Even had looked down at him and said “And for you?” lowly, eyes all hot. He was testing Isak’s resolve, and on purpose. Wasn’t used to being told no, not from Isak.

But they’d both been good, since then. And… things got easier between them. Even sends him stupid memes. Isak makes Even laugh, when they are together. They talk about music a lot. He would have never guessed it, but they actually have a friend vibe now, without any of the old relationship clutter.

Which is why, okay maybe… Isak expected a heads up if something like this were to happen. From Even, not from the grapevine. Because they were friends. And exes. Exes who were friends. He would have said, “hey, I’m glad I heard it from you. And I’m glad you’re happy!” You know, cut out all the useless drama. All the side-eyeing from Magnus and the tiptoeing from Sana. Not that there would be drama. Although he hadn’t heard it straight from Even, he’s still happy for him.

He’s not really on edge. He’s not nervous to see them together. He’s not wondering what she looks like, or why she is fucking _worth a relationship_ while he had not been.

Isak is a liar. He lies to others and he lies to himself. He doesn’t want to get to worked up over it. Because the thing is, he _does_ want Even to be happy. If it’s with someone else, fine. He’s not mad, not really. It’s just these old hurt feelings that keep trying to bubble up. He tells himself that he is okay, they are okay.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

Two hours later, he and Jonas are passing a bong back and forth.

“Tonight is going better than I expected.” Jonas says, and grins at him. Isak grins back; the combination of weed and beer is making him feel giggly.

He’d drank his first two beers rather quickly. When Even had come in with his girlfriend, Isak made sure to give him a small smile. Because they had to; they had to move on. And Isak still wanted to be friends with him. He still wanted to _know_ him.

He and Even have been toeing around each other all evening. They haven’t spoken to one another just the two of them, like they might have. Surprisingly, when Even’s girlfriend says she’s studying photography, that she and Even had met through a class, it doesn’t bother Isak. He thinks, “Yeah I can see that. I can see why he likes her.” Because she’s nice, and kind of soft-spoken. Really artistic. Also very pretty.

It’s only when Even said, “She can quote more movies than I can!” and people laugh, that Isak’s gut had twisted a little. He’d signaled to Jonas that it was time for the weed, and here they were.

It isn’t for another half hour, when Isak is in the kitchen, that he and Even end up alone. Isak is making a cheese toastie because he is high, drunk, and hungry. Even leans against the counter, but gives him space. He’s looking at Isak like he’s expecting him to say something.

“Do you want one?” he gestures to the toastie, because they don’t need to have this awkward conversation. To be honest, Isak is too fucked up to even care to know anything about it. Even breathes out a laugh and says “Yeah.”

“Good. Because now you will see how a real cheese toastie should be done.” And Even pretends to look offended but then is laughing again.  
“I don’t understand what you’re implying. We’ve both had mine. They can’t be beat.” Isak gives him an incredulous look just to keep Even laughing. He’ll never not love how it transforms his face.

Time slips by, when they are together in the kitchen. Isak wonders if people are specifically staying out because they are here. He wonders if Even’s girlfriend is being polite and allowing them to work through their closure. He might be high as fuck, but she seems that way. Like she gets Even and can give him what he needs.

Which is why he feels kind of bad when he moves to take the food out of the oven, and ghosts his fingers under Even’s plaid shirt and against the bare skin of his hip. He’s never seen Even look so caught off guard before, and he revels in it. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, why he’s feeling so reckless, but it feels good and right. Maybe Even prefers a relationship with her, but there is something ugly in Isak that knows Even can’t turn Isak away.

It doesn’t take long for Even’s lips to be on his and their hands to be tangled up in one another. They kiss frantically and kind of messily. Isak’s just started mouthing at Even’s neck and tugging at his zipper when he is pushed back. Even looks hurt, and Isak’s sluggish mind can’t understand why.

“Isak… it’s not fair, you doing this now. _You_ wanted this to end.” He says it like it pains him. Isak wishes he could stop the flood of emotions inside his head, and the inebriated state that won’t allow him to keep his mouth shut. There are a lot of things that aren’t fucking fair. Like how Even has a girlfriend and Isak’s still running through guys. Like how Even had finally explained that he couldn’t do relationships at this point; he wasn’t healthy enough. He couldn’t watch himself destroy another person. And yet here he was, loyal and in love enough that it’s _Isak’s_ fault.

“Why her?” He asks, and hates how it sounds like he’s got a wound in his chest. He can’t stop it now; he wants the conversation, won’t regret it until the morning. Even sighs and looks away. Tries to say, “let’s pick this up another time…” But Isak won’t hear it. He asks again, it coming out even more broken than the last time.

“We’ve been friends for awhile,” he says softly. “It just kind of happened. I don’t know, Isak… I like her.” Sometimes, with Even, Isak almost feels like he’s looking down, dissociating from an unpleasant experience. He can get so confused, because Even can make him feel as high as the moon one minute, and as low as the underworld the next. It’s like his mind literally cannot comprehend what’s happening in real time.

He can feel himself slipping into this; wanting to just go away and deal with it later. But he focuses on the sting of his eyes and the way Even is looking at him like it hurts him just as much.

“But why her and not _me_?” He forces out, needs to hear it. “God you’re such a _liar_ , Even. This has never been about me, or what’s best. It’s always been about you, and what _you_ fucking want.” Isak blinks up at the light because _like hell_ will Even see him cry like this. He tries to push past, but Even grabs him tight, looks at him like if one thing matters, _it’s this_.

“No. _No_. We were trying to be friends. Even before we stopped… Things were good with us, _finally_ , and I thought things would just fall into place. And then you asked… I just wanted things to be good with us, Isak. I just wanted you to have what you wanted. And I get so crazy with you sometimes, I thought maybe it was perfect this way.”

  
“I _hate_ being your friend,” he says childishly, before he can bite on his tongue. “I don’t want to be your fucking friend, Even.”

Isak doesn’t know what to think anymore, is still trying to push past, but Even gets a good grip and wraps him up in his arms. “God, Isak. Fuck,” he says, like he’s frustrated and upset. But he kisses Isak on the forehead anyway, thumbs at his jaw. And Isak is kind of fucking done with emotions at this point, doesn’t think he can handle anything more. He just lets Even hold him for a few minutes.

When Even untangles his arms and whispers, “I have to go; I have to go.” Isak doesn’t move. Not even after Even has turned his back and is making quick work out of the kitchen. It’s only when he’s alone that he realizes he has to get it together. Has to smile and hold conversations long enough so that his friends don’t worry.

By the time he’s entered the living room, Even and Ana are already heading out. Even has his hand on her lower back, he’s leading her to the door, helping her find her coat. She’s telling Sana, “it was so nice talking to you! Yeah, text me that recipe.” Even doesn’t look back.

Isak focuses and focuses on acting normal, every second he has to try. When he gets home an hour later, he crawls into bed. Miraculously, he goes right to sleep.  
——————————————————————————————————————————

He wakes up a couple hours later to the shifting of his bed. Even is crawling in, pressing his body to Isak’s. “You still don’t want to be my friend?”

“No,” Isak breathes. Even nuzzles into Isak’s neck, wraps his arms around tight.

“Is Ana…?” he doesn’t know what kind of declaration he’s searching for, doesn’t even know if he needs it right now.

“She’s upset, but she’ll be okay.” Even whispers it into his neck; he mouths other things, too. Lovely things.

——————————————————————————————————————————

When he wakes up, the sun is streaming through and his head is pounding. But Even is there, smiling at him. “I know how you get when you wake up alone,” he says softly. “So I’ve been waiting until now to start the waffles. You stay here, I’ll bring them in.”

Just like that, he gets up and is nearly out the door before he turns and looks at Isak, pausing. “Things are better with me now. It’s nice not to feel so selfish all the time. And… I think this time will be everything, Isak. It’ll work.” He smiles at Isak one last time before he disappears, clanging away in the kitchen.

Maybe he’s too hungover; maybe he’s just stupid. But for the first time in awhile, Isak doesn’t doubt him. Doesn’t wait for the other shoe to drop. Doesn’t feel like Even’ll come in the night and leave with the sun.

 


	2. Even

Even wakes up way too early. Well, right on time with the schedule he’s careful to keep. But way too early for Isak, especially with all the drinking he did last night. He won’t wake for a few hours. So Even slips out of bed just long enough to get a glass of water and take his pills. He’d brought them over in a bag filled with a bunch of other stuff he probably won’t need. He wears Isak’s clothes half the time, anyway.

By the time he’s made it back in bed and curled himself around Isak’s back, his eyes are heavy with lack of sleep. He dozes on and off for awhile. Watches Isak breathe, throw some covers off himself, kick at Even’s feet. Pushes his arm off. It makes Even smile, because Isak’s forgotten what it’s like to sleep with someone all the time. So he drags his fingers up and traces Isak’s face instead. Isak wakes and blinks at Even for a moment, but goes right back to sleep. It floods Even with warmth.

He’d made up his mind last night. He’d known he had to let Ana go before he’d untangled himself from Isak in the kitchen. It wasn’t a difficult decision, not with Isak _there_ , right in his reach. But it had made his chest hurt, knowing what he was about to do. This morning, it makes his stomach feel sick. It makes his eyes burn.

Because he loves her, truly. For the past year, she’s been his best friend. He’d met her in a photography class, eventually convinced her to join him in a drawing class. It was a slow kind of friendship, no pressure. She had this easy way of being there without being overbearing. Even doesn’t like to talk about himself that much, but within two months, he’d told her _everything_. She’d listened to him go on and on about Isak, while she painted a vase. Didn’t tell him he was right, or he was wrong. Said that she could see how they were both such beautiful people. She took pictures of the snow in the trees when he told her he was going to stop taking his meds, _they aren’t working, Ana_. She’d grasped his hand and said “How about you try one more day, Even. Here, help me get these developed. You’ll see what I was saying about adding the contrast…”

She does that, takes his mind off things in a quiet way. They watch a lot of movies together. Go to the art museum and somehow end up laughing. She teaches him a bit of Spanish every few days.

She drinks, but not often. Smokes, but not often. So they’d gotten into the habit of staying up late most weekends together. It’s good for him, not to go to so many parties. She is good for him. When he does go to parties, he usually asks her to come. Sometimes she’ll disappear for awhile, but they always leave together.

One night, when she’s sleeping over, she snuggles into him. He likes it. He is the kind of person who needs human interaction. Human touch. Since then, that’s how they’ve always slept.

And then Isak and him decide to be _just friends_. Well, Isak decides. They had been sort of friends before. But the kind that also can’t keep their hands off each other. And suddenly Even feels like he’s losing something he hadn’t known he’d been working towards. He feels like it’s a necessary step for them… and yet, it seems like he’s moving backwards.

So he’d tried it and tried it and could see how it was helping both of them. It _was_ a good thing. He tells himself that yes, he wants this.

But he and Ana end up a little drunk eight days after Isak’s decision, and Even kisses her. She looks pretty in lavender, and her voice is melodic. Maybe he misses Isak a little, but he is fully present with her in that moment. It leads to what Even has been wanting, and again in the morning. It seems like things are falling into place, working out.

Until last night. And this morning, with the guilt like acid in his belly. Not that he’ll regret Isak. He just feels like he led her to believe he was over him. He led himself to believe it, too. He thinks he’ll lose the best friendship he’s had since he was diagnosed.

After he’d spoken with her last night, it had taken him two hours and twenty two minutes to decide whether he should try to be with Isak. Or whether he should spend more time figuring himself out.

Not that it was a choice, really. Isak has a way of slipping into him, in his body and in his mind. He feels like he could have weights tied to his ankles, and he’d still be struggling to get up to the surface. Breathing _isak, isak, isak_ until he reaches him there. He’s spent too long thinking he’d pull him under; they’d drown together.

He won’t think like that anymore.

It is okay not to be perfect, he understands now. And there is a difference between using someone and _needing_ someone. Through all his emotional highs and lows, he’s getting better at recognizing when he’s using; when he needs help. He has started accepting that he needs people, too.

It’s a fine line he has to walk, in his head. He can’t spend too much time obsessing over little things. And yet, he constantly has to track where he’s at in his illness, has to acknowledge his feelings. It’s exasperating at times, makes him feel like he’s making a box that he doesn’t even want, forcing himself to crawl inside.

Which is why, he is so grateful when Isak wakes up, and it gives him something to do. He calms a little, making the waffles.

Things are a little awkward at first. It’s been a long time since they’ve tried to be this close. Isak doesn’t talk much while he eats. Even has too much of a storm inside his head. Soon enough, they are playing video games. Even talks trash; Isak bitches about his headache, says that’s why he keeps losing. Even teases him relentlessly.

He kisses him softly, unhurriedly. Asks if it’s okay, because Isak has gone still. Even feels certain that this is meant to be, but knows there are still a lot of bridges to cross. There are a lot of wounds he’s made in Isak that he can’t repair himself. Some he’ll never know were there. He just has to be steady and sure with Isak. Like he is with himself.

Isak nods and slides his hands up and under Even’s shirt. Even catches him, threads their hands together. That’s not what this is about. Pulls back and looks at him. Kisses him again. Asks if they can watch a movie.

After they’ve finished arguing over what movie to watch, Even pulls Isak back against his chest. Fixes the comforter over their legs. Isak feels a little stiff, a little uncertain. Even tries to keep the guilt out of his gut by playing with Isak’s hair. A lot of things are his fault. He just can’t allow that emotion, those thoughts, to settle too long in his mind. It does bad things to him. They will have to talk through it all later.

By the time the movie is nearing to an end, Even can sense what is about to happen. He had resolved to keep things light and slow; but twenty minutes ago, Isak had started drawing little patterns with his fingers on the insides of Even’s thighs. Up an up. It had seemed innocent at first, but Even _knows_ Isak. He likes to tease and pretend he’s not.

So he’d let him continue, and gotten a little hard from it. Every once in awhile Isak would shift against him and Even curses at him in his head. Sex always comes natural to them, but for once, Even wants show him that he loves him for more than that.

Isak’s pretty much made up his mind, though. He’s turning in Even’s lap, looks determined. Straddles his hips, brushes his nose against Even’s, then his lips against his jaw. Whispers _I want it_ right against his ear. Darts his tongue out and licks underneath, sucks at the skin just a little further below. Even is gone. He would be embarrassed that he gives in so easily, but he’s too preoccupied by Isak’s lips on his skin and the ways he’s started moving his hips.

Even gently tugs on a fistful of his hair to get his mouth on his. Loves the little breathy sound Isak makes when he does it, the way Isak looks at him while his head is tilted back. Then Even kisses him, tongues into his mouth. Is content with that for awhile, just wants to take his time.

Isak has other ideas. He’s pulling Even’s shirt off, then his own, presses every inch of himself against him. He’s sucking on Even’s bottom lip and then saying “come _on_ , Even.” Even kind of likes when Isak gets impatient like this.

So he slides his hands down the back of Isak’s sweatpants and grinds him down while he thrust up. Isak makes the _filthiest_ sound. Even starts panting too, with the way Isak is back to licking into his mouth, moving his hips to a rhythm. Even can feel it against his body and under his hands, likes the way he moves.

Isak could probably get off like this, _has_ gotten off like this before, but Even has had about enough. Briefly, he closes his eyes and lets his mind slide back to when he and Isak first started dating. That time he’d lifted Isak up on the counter, moved against him just like this. Kissed him sloppily to cover up the low sounds he was making; people were out in the living room. Isak had slung his arms around Even’s neck and clawed at his shoulders when he got close. It was the first time Even had actually pulled back to watch him come.

The memory has gotten him worked up, has him circling his arms around Isak’s waist to put his back to the bed. Isak looks a little too fucking satisfied with himself for Even’s taste, so he sucks hard at his neck to remedy it. Breathes out a laugh against the marks he’s made when Isak quickly whines and turns pliant under his hands.

Even kisses him slowly, and Isak lets him. Knows that the more he tries to take over, the longer it’ll take to get what he wants. Sometimes they play that game, and it’s glorious. But there’s an urgency in Isak, Even can practically feel it radiating off him. Maybe it’s because they haven’t been together in so long. Even would probably be feeling it just as badly, if he didn’t like teasing Isak so much.

  
It isn’t long before they’ve worked the rest of their clothes off and reached for the lube. Even can’t stop kissing him. When he hears Isak get his hand wet with lube, he thinks he might reach for Even’s cock. Instead he feels him reach between their bodies, lower and lower. Touches himself instead. And _fuck_ , it makes a something hot pulse low in Even’s belly. Usually Even preps him. Unless he tells him otherwise; tells him he wants to see it.

He’s hardly registering it, but he’s pulling back from Isak, sitting on his heels. Isak’s still got his knees bent, feet on the other side of Even’s thighs. Keeps his eyes on Even’s, fucks himself with two fingers. Even fists himself, despite that he’s not even watching what Isak’s doing. He can’t look away from Isak’s gaze. It would feel too intimate with anyone else.

Isak wraps his legs around Even’s hips when he pushes in. Puts his arms around his neck and pulls him close. Even moves slowly for a long time, lets their noses and lips brush. Doesn’t let his eyes leave Isak’s. Soon enough it gets to be too little, though, and Isak is asking him to go harder. His face transforms the way it usually does, when he gets close. It pushes Even to an edge and has him breathing hard. He’s slung his hand under Isak’s lower back and clutching at his hip, the other pulling his thigh up higher. He can’t slow the movement of his hips now, tells Isak _you better fucking come, come on, baby, let me fucking see it_ , and it’s the sweetest relief when Isak does. Isak looks up, his lips part, and his hands find Even’s face while Even works through his own release.

They stay tangled up and panting for a long time after. Even doesn’t know why he wanted to put this off; they seem closer than ever now. Isak seems a little more comfortable being his. Even’s thoughts and worries don’t hound him for the rest of the night.

The next day, Even goes home. It had been hard, but they both agreed that they can’t move to quickly. They have to give each other a little space every once in awhile, or it’ll be all fireworks and then blow-ups.

Still, he texts Isak _I miss you_ less than two hours later. Smiles when Isak texts back _I’m coming over, we’ll sleep apart tomorrow_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked! haha, maybe i'll never be done with this series

**Author's Note:**

> Had to end it with them together ;)
> 
> I think I might add a chapter, haven't quite decided yet  
>  
> 
> Also, just wanted to clarify- Even saying he is "better" was not my way, or his way, of saying his bipolar is gone or anything like that. I briefly mentioned in Manic that he was taking meds and starting to manage himself better. I think it's an important character development for him to become confident in his abilities to take care of himself, in a relationship or not. Unfortunately I never got around to that!
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
